Torture

We were back in the ER today. Carly woke up this morning crying. I went into her room and she was laying in throw up and had a fever. I felt horrible. I have a monitor in my room but I never heard her crying through the night. I've been so exhausted lately that if she was crying I didn't hear her. I hope she hadn't slept in it all night. Her temp was 103. I decided to not give her anything for it since I feel like nobody believes how high it gets. Her neurosurgeon is at Cardon Children's but because the hospital is so new that there aren't very many specialties there yet. Her pediatrician wanted us to go to PCH so we could have further testing. So off to PCH we went. By the time we got there her fever was 104.8. They checked her blood, urine, ears and chest x-ray. Everything was normal so once again we were sent home. This time instead of saying it was a viral infection they just said it was a fever of unknown cause. Well that was helpful. She see's rheumatology on friday. Hopefully they can shed some new light on what may be causing her fevers. This is just so hard. I hate taking her to the hospital and feeling like I'm torturing her. I hate watching her be so scared. I hate holding her down while she is kicking and screaming. I hate this! I don't think I can handle much more of it. Hopefully this wont stall her revision scheduled for next wednesday. We'll find out what neuro thinks tomorrow. Fingers crossed! Although I didn't get any answers, I made a new friend who's daughter has hydro and that in itself is considered an answer to my prayers. She also introduced me...ok, friend suggested me, to her friend who also has a daughter with hydro. I finally have someone to talk to! So, Carly is in bed finally. I let her watch tv in my bed and she fell asleep. Let's hope that tonight and tomorrow are better than today!

(ok, so hopefully the ranting will end soon...no promises but it has to get better sometime, right?)